"A Rump Bump Bump Bump" By Dave Cinch
Before I start blabbing about this hand and how great I played it, I want to wish everybody the happiest of holidays.This time of year is always such a joyous one at the Cinch residence.
Which is one reason I just can't stand it when some poker player doesn't have the Christmas spirit.
Take one of our locals named Kenny, for instance.
A couple of years ago, right in the heart of the December festivities, he went completely humbug.
He did take a couple of murderous beats first, I should probably add.
Playing Omaha, he made the nut full against an under-full and got beat by a 1-outer four-of-a-kind on the river.
The very next hand he flopped the nut straight with the top set, filled it up, and got it beat by my 1-outer four-of-a-kind on the river.
Now that's bad luck, I'll have to concede.
It's the only time I've ever seen anyone take a one-outer beat in back-to-back hands.
For some reason it seemed to get under his skin a little, and he jumped out of his seat and unleashed a diatribe about how terrible we all played.
Acting all Grinchy-like, he was.
Well I already told you how I feel about Christmas, so you know I wasn't going for that.
I called him down on it: "Come on, Kenny, don't be like that.
Aren't you forgetting this is the most wonderful time of the year," I chided.
Everybody got a big kick out of that, and I was lucky I didn't get a real rise out of "Kenny Kanu," as they called him.
But he was too much of a first-rate gentleman to do anything over the line.
He was a gentleman and a scholar - come to think of it he was one of the few college grads in our midst - and he took his beats better than most (including me).
But I couldn't resist the little Christmassy gibe at him, about how wonderful the holidays were and all and why let a couple of beats Grinch you out like that? Fast forward to this Christmas season.
I'm down at Caesars, Indiana playing "all-in" hold'em.
I've got two big kings on the button, and there's two suckers in there trying to beat them.
I sock it up a little bit before the flop and it comes K-Q-Q.
They check around to me and I bet right out, hoping to look like a standard raise-and-follow.
One call.
Right in the middle of the hand, this dame maniac I just met a few weeks ago comes up and starts hugging on me, and, I guess you'd have to say, flirting with me.
Sure.
When I'm interested I can't get the time of day, and when I'm not, they practically throw their panties at me like I'm Tom Jones or something.
Well, it ain't my singing.
It might be the tights I wear with my joker suit.
But I do have hard luck like that, and I was hoping this interruption didn't spell trouble.
The turn card comes and it's real blanky looking.
(What wasn't at this point, except a queen?) The guy checks and I bet the pot, still acting strong, hoping to look weak.
Just a little something I picked up from a gambling book, thank you very much.
Suddenly he raises the pot, much too aggressively, in my estimation, to have four queens (he would have been terrified of running me off if he had that).
Boy, I know I've stumbled on to some good fortune here if nothing ridiculous happens.
I re-raise and he moves all-in with his last few chips, now considerably more tentatively.
I figure he's got A-Q or, really, Q-anything.
Turns out he's got the one hand I don't know if anybody could have gotten away from - K-Q.
He flopped a full too! And it was double hard for him to believe I had him because I had just won three pots, one with aces and two with small pocket pairs (flopped sets to both), within the last 30 minutes.
"How can anybody play that good? Surely not kings-full," he had to be thinking.
Blank on the river.
He turned his K-Q up first and I showed him the trap.
"A rump bump bump bump," I said, as I turned 'em over.
See, there's a little bit of a tradition in these parts of coming up with some kind of witty one-liner when the big duke strikes.
Goodness knows I've been on the other end of it enough times - everything from "Tic, tac, toe, all in a row" (a straight flush) to "Mr.
Fudge Sickle" (four aces).
I paid 'em off and good.
You can't gloat or Hollywood too much with this move, but if you're original enough it generally plays all right.
This one did, but I wasn't sure there for a minute.
"What did you say?" the queens-full toting stranger asked.
"A rump bump bump bump, and a merry Christmas to you and yours," I added this time.
He cracked a little smile then.
"Same to you.
Take the pot, sir," he said, as he brushed back.
I had to admire his sportsmanship.
It's all about the Christmas cheer this time of year - not whether you're winning or losing.
Of course that's easy to say when you're the one stacking the chips.
Regardless - I would hope - seasonal cheer will abound at the Cinch residence during the holidays.
Here's to hoping I'm on the right side of the beats and the races this year.
In fact, I'm making that my official New Year's resolution.
Poker.
|
